ladyvandaele:

One good this about being single is that when you’re single you’re exactly as happy as you are, but when you are in a relationship you can only be as happy as the least happy person in the room.

vinebox:

Drivers these days.

nerdofchaos:

recreationalcannibalism:

the-adequate-gatsby:

stultifyandstupefy:

derpes:

And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”

And Abraham replied, “What.”

God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.

And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”

To which they responded, “Gay.” 

And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.

see you all in hell

dances-withhipsters:

resubee:

Thor the passive aggressive roommate.

IF THOU CANNOT FLUSH AFTER USING THE TOILET, YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO USE IT AT ALL.